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The Best Insults

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Heylo! [21 May 2008|11:57pm]

All the way from back in the day...

There's a new article on cracked entitled The 9 Most Devastating Insults From Around the World that I think is perfect for this community.

"As Thick As Manure And Only Half As Useful."
"You're as ugly as a salad."
"Let the rats ejaculate on you."

And most importantly:
"Your mother is a big turtle" - Again, means nothing without context. But because a turtle doesn't know its father, it's a creative way of calling someone a bastard. 
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[15 Sep 2005|09:24pm]

This one is VERY long so I'm putting it behind a cut. It's from a now defunct message board I used to be on. It is sheer beauty if you ask me.

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A license plate frame I saw this weekend [09 May 2005|07:12am]

"Trucks are like tampons - every pussy has one".

Here's the best part though - it was on a GIRL'S car.
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here's an original... [14 Mar 2005|06:35pm]

You smell

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Not the Mayor!! [09 Mar 2005|02:24pm]

Your mother is so fat, she broke her leg and hot, bloody fat sprayed everywhere. Some even got on the Mayor!
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Of hair and Crap [24 Jan 2005|06:43pm]

Hi. Here are some insults.

 Person: You look like crap.
You: You are crap.

 " Nice wig. Pretty good for something out of a toilet."

You: Excuse me, you owe me a drink.
Person: Why?
You: You're so ugly I dropped mine when I saw you.
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[22 Oct 2004|06:56pm]

person 1: May I have a cigarette?
person 2: sure
person 1: May I have a light?
person 2: What, do you want me to smoke it for you, too?
person 1: No, but you can stick around and put it out for me when I am through...
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[04 Oct 2004|12:38pm]
PERSON 1: Excuse me, aren't we related?
PERSON 2: No, and I don't want to be.

PERSON 1: Do you mind if I smoke?
PERSON 2: I don't care if you burn.

PERSON 1: I'd like to marry you.
PERSON 2: I'd rather skip straight towards the divorce.

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[27 Sep 2004|08:52pm]

[ mood | pissed off ]

honey, with a face like that and an attitude to match, you'll need jumper cables to start up your sex life.

4 Commentss| post comment

[10 Sep 2004|07:22pm]

I know you say you're just big boned, but five steaks and a bucket of deep-fried ice cream isn't exactly what I'd call a lean meal.
1 Comments| post comment

[10 Sep 2004|02:49am]

you look hungry.

because you're fat

*shoots self in head*
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[09 Sep 2004|04:17pm]

i think it may be time to change the 4 watt lightbulb god gave you as a brain...i just saw it burn out.
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[06 Sep 2004|07:20pm]
You're mother should've swallowed you. - Big L
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[06 Sep 2004|06:45pm]

"You are a god among atheists."
1 Comments| post comment

[03 Sep 2004|09:42pm]

[ mood | sick ]

"If I had a dog like you, I'd take it out back and shoot it."

6 Commentss| post comment

[03 Sep 2004|08:09pm]

As I told a Police Cuntstable once, You sir, are a vaginal wart on the face of humanity.
1 Comments| post comment

[03 Sep 2004|10:33am]

If ugly was a language, you'd speak it fluently.
1 Comments| post comment

[29 Aug 2004|11:51am]

"If I wanted any lip from you I'd lift my skirt"

"Hey! I just saved your life today! I killed a shit eating dog, he was headed straight towards your house!"
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[28 Jul 2004|12:34pm]
Bend over, please.
I need a place to park my bike.
3 Commentss| post comment

[26 Aug 2004|06:51pm]

[ mood | *blah ]

Friend #1: Well, you are what you eat!
Friend #2: Oh yeah, I eat skittles! What do you eat!? Shit!!!?

Hah, Yeah, my friend can be a real dumbass sometimes.

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